To my "darling" daughter and son-in-law
To my darling (and I use the term only as a convention) daughter and son-in-law,
Yes, I was happy to become my angel grandchild’s unpaid baby carer so that you could save up for your first home. Who knew that you would buy one twice as large as your father’s and mine.
And yes, when you returned home from a convention in Belgium via Paris, Rome, Taormina, Majorca, the Greek Isles, Barcelona, the Seychelles and Hong Kong, it was I who offered to move in to your home for twenty-nine days, to babysit the toddler cherub-princess.
And when she had chicken pox, I sat – and slept - by her bedside for a week so that the two of you could continue with your “busy lives”. [Please note that I have put the term in parentheses.]
But here’s the thing. Adriana is 12. She’s hyperactive, hormonal, and to be perfectly frank, horrid. And although I may have gushed once (or twice) about her being indescribably adorable, I believe now that a cocktail of pain killers and Chablis added “adorable”.
So I looked up this AdNews Challenge thing, and gosh!!!...surprise!!!...children are, in fact, welcome. You must have misread that part. Moreover, they have their own events – a whole Challenge of their own, to be precise. There are races – and trophies – by age. And if you look at the photo gallery from last year, the children all look very happy. You might remember the last time Adriana was happy about something. It was her fourth birthday, was it not, when you gave her the Barbie Ride-In Jeep I paid for?
So, on the weekend of November 15, I’m taking your father to the Park Hyatt for a dirty weekend. And you are taking your daughter to the AdNews Challenge…
…which reminds me. Please explain to Miss MTV that, “pump your pussy,” is not a game you play with your pet. That is the other parental duty I’ve decided today to delegate.